There are two types of people in this world when it comes to facing a situation: One is called a victim, and the other is what I call an acceptor. The difference between the two is simply perspective and the ability to take personal responsibility.
The victim believes they have absolutely no control of the situation and that there is nothing they can do about it. They believe that it is in no way their fault and seek to blame others because they feel powerless. Even though there may be a situation in which they may not have total fault, they still will deny responsibility for how they reacted to it. A perfect example of a typical victim excuse would be something like, “You made me punch you in the face when you called me a jerk.” Now what this person is really saying is, “I punched you in the face because I have no control of my own body and it’s your fault this happened.” Obviously, this is a horseshit excuse and this person chose to punch you in the face instead of remaining calm and choosing not to do so.
The acceptor has the opposite perspective: They believe even though some circumstances of a situation are not their fault, they try to find out if they have contributed to it in some way, shape, or form. If they realize that their actions are somehow contributing, they then immediately take responsibility. This also includes actions they didn’t take to prevent something that exacerbated any situation. By accepting some responsibility, the acceptor realizes that they have the power to change whatever they’re doing or do something they need to do in order to make a situation better. So, if someone is calling them a jerk, they will try to find out what they may have done that has caused this person to call them that. Whether or not they actually did something worthy of being called a jerk, they find ways to alleviate the situation by keeping cool, calm, and collected. If they find the person is being stupid or overly emotional, they simply ignore the situation and move forward; they do not make matters worse because they are the type of people that try to find ways to make things better.
Another perfect example of a victim mentality is when someone blames their metabolism for the reason why they’re overweight. Even though their metabolism may be slow, they just accept the false belief that there is nothing they can do about it. They will say something like, “I’m overweight because my metabolism is slow and I was born this way.” But is this really the truth? Can they possibly not realize that their diet or lack of physical activity are actually the reasons why they’re overweight? The answer is no. Even though it is true that they may have a slower metabolic rate, they choose to ignore that the fact that their metabolisms can be sped up via proper diet and exercise. Victims know what the truth really is but they just refuse to accept responsibility because they know how much effort it would take to make things right. Therefore, they rather spend their energy trying to convince everyone around them that there’s nothing they can do so everyone accepts their bullshit when the real truth is they’re just too lazy to do what’s right.
An acceptor in the same the situation above would not blame their genetic limitations; instead, they would realize that even though their metabolism is slower than others, there are ways for them to speed it up. Instead of bitching and moaning about their weight, and trying to convince others there is nothing they could do, they’d research and discover ways that can help them lose weight. They’d sit down and develop a strategy to achieve their goal, then the take action to make sure they accomplished it!
No matter what happens to you in your life, there is always one thing you can control, and that is yourself. You can always control how you react to a situation that you have no control of. You must always realize that the key to overcoming any challenge or situation is to accept responsibility and find ways to take action in order to make a difference. Being a victim in any situation only makes matters worse and provides no way out.
Take a look at your own life and try to find the situations in which took the roll of a victim. Ask yourself these questions:
What did I do that may have caused the situation to happen?
How did I contribute?
Was my reaction to the situation appropriate?
Was there a better way to handle the situation?
What course of action could I take now in order to change the situation?
Should you realize that a situation has gotten to the point where there’s no way to change it, then the best course of action is to note what is taking place and avoid putting yourself in that same situation again in the future. Most importantly, when things get to that point, you need to learn to let go and stop dwelling on it; focus on your future and find ways to make adjustments in your life to make the best of what you have now.
The truth is, the only way you are going to ever overcome any problem is to stop playing the victim and start accepting responsibility so you can take the appropriate action to make a difference.