Whether in platonic or romantic relationship, it is literally impossible to find anyone who you can totally get along with 100% of the time, or even like 100% of everything about them. None of us are perfect, and that is what makes our human interactions so interesting – there is always much to learn from each other about ourselves via the push-and-pulls of our interactions.
But when is a relationship not worth your time? That’s is a question that each of you may answer differently, but I am confident enough to say it’s when you realize that your investment into it is not bringing you any positive rewards. That is not to say that there shouldn’t be any sort of sacrifice or compromise in a relationship – there certainly must be, but if you are sacrificing way more than your partner is and they do not reciprocate as much as you do, then you have made a bad investment.
Now I realize I am using the word “investment,” but relationships are investments: you invest your time, energy, trust, money and in some cases, your entire life to another person (marriage). If you are not getting anything positive out of your investment, well then, it’s time to get back to the drawing board. There may still be a chance to save your relationship, but it comes down to you being the honest one and bringing up how you truly feel.
Communication is crucial in any relationship, and especially now at this point, where you have realized it’s time to make adjustments. Think of this process as if you were going back into a business deal to negotiate some new terms. How did you get to this point, who knows? Whose fault is it? Maybe you were too soft in the beginning and the person grew to take advantage of you? Maybe they’ve changed? Maybe you’ve changed? No matter what, you have to sit back and examine the situation for a bit and realize what you need/want from it. Complaining without offering solutions at this time is absolutely useless and will make matters worse. Therefore you must think long and hard; even write down what you need/want and make sure you bring this information to the table.
After doing this, it’s time to have a talk. Approach your partner/friend with what you believe needs to be adjusted in order to make this deal work out for the long run. What you need now is an honest, upfront discussion where you state what you want clearly in order to make things work. You’d be surprised what a good heart-to-heart conversation will reveal. Sometimes the person had no idea of what was missing, which is a good thing because then if they truly care, they will what needs to be done to make things better. However, if they refuse to work with you in finding a fair balance, then chances are they knew precisely what was wrong and were taking advantage of you – which means, maybe it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
In my personal experience, I have realized that the relationships built to last are those with people with whom you connect with instantly and are honest with immediately. No games, no facades, and no pulling teeth – it just flows naturally. The greatest thing about these types of instant connections is that all the ground work is already done. Usually these people hold the same values, have similar manners, common interests and appreciate the same worldview as you do; so there not much to “deal” with at all, other what life may throw at the both of you. I personally don’t’ think relationships should be something you need to “work on” constantly – that sounds more like a chore than a good time. But we human beings are very complex, and that means you will have to work on the kinks in your relationships from time to time, but it shouldn’t be most of the time.
In the end, any relationship that is too hard to maintain is not really meant to last, and in fact, will ultimately become too burdensome on the one who cares more. Now I want you to realize something extremely important which will take some forward thinking, which is kind of thinking that helped me break away from my most toxic relationships: The amount of pain and suffering that you would endure to keep the relationship afloat alone, will probably equate to the amount of suffering you would experience if you just simply broke it off now and got over it sooner than later. In other words, if you leave now it will suck, but you will be able to start a new and be freed from the stress of a bad relationship, whereas if you don’t leave, you will continuously suffer and probably lose even more in the future.
In my opinion, the best choice is to suffer now, and find long term peace later, rather than lowing your standards now because you are afraid of pain, and suffering more later being in something that hurts you anyway.
If your relationship is a nonstop roller-coaster ride, then it’s absolutely not a healthy relationship at all. A good relationship is one that is stable most of the time, and both parties are happy because there is no parasite sucking the other dry. If you’re in a parasitical relationship, do yourself a favor – GET OUT NOW!